On Break

I been away for da long time, I know, mon... But, I couldn't helped it, I done got ship wrecked out in da ocean!  Some big damn squid t'ing done hacked up me cruisin' ship, took me n me mates down to da bottom o' da big blue... and ta top it off, mon, me damned camera done broke, so's I don' even have da pics to show you!  But, as I be da travellin' troll, I do me best to tell you's all about it, mon...

So, first I was all like "Hey, Mon!  What dis 'ere big boat doin'?"

Den I was all like "I'm gonna go get me somma dem Alliance bruddah's ears for me new necklace!  Let's get dis big damn boat in da water, ya know?"

Den I was all like "Look at dat big damn squid, bruddas!  Me an' Konda gonna go and catch dat sucka!'

Den I was all like "Aaaaaaahh!'  Splash!  Glubberblugger bleecchh  gulpperglupp sspppffffffffffftttt pleh

Den I was all like "We's alive!  In da bottom o' da boat!"  Den ol' Konda fold his arms across his ches', and plant his feets and shooked his big, monkey melon, so I knew I had to gets me a new companion to helps me collect me bruddah orcs and goblins.  (Ya know, I didn't t'ink it strange until jus' now, but I don' t'ink I seen but meybe two or t'ree Troll brudda's da whole time I been down dere.   I talkin' to a Tauren lady, and even da Taunka from Nort'rend, but no Trolls and no Forsakens... meybe dey too smart to be traipsin' around in a boat.)  So, I picked up T'urman, my new sand crab friend!  He got da big spikes and big claws and he can take a hit like no bruddah's mutta can... and we wen' and collected wet orcs, ya know.

A'ter a bit, dis Eart'en Ring Voodoo mama done juice me up fulla da airs, so's I can breat'e under da sea, and dat make me travels much easier, mon.  Dis place be HUGE, let me tell ya brudda!  I went up one side and down t'ot'er, tryin' ta scoop up me mates... Even wen' inta dis BIG DING DAMNED BUG, what had a village o' damned snake men livin' up inside o' his head.  Me an' da orcs done cleaned their clocks, tho, mon, and make a' da bug our bosom buddies!  (If I coulda jus' had a few minute's by meself wit' da t'ing, I mighta been a makin' him me pet!  Dat t'ing coulda broke down dat big damned squiddy, no foolin' mon...)

We bugged outa t'ere (HA!  Konda tol' me to say dat!) an' wen' on to da capital city o' da snakes... T'ere be SO many o' t'ose ding damned t'ings down dere, we's be lucky dey can't fly, ya know.  An' dey got da wicked Ganja, mon... Voodoo Mama gimme dis bit o' metal, look like a pipe.  She say it got da big mojo in it, from da snake men.  I take dat stick, mon, and I tell you I be trippin' for HOURS, ya know!  I be t'inking I be one o' dem snake men, all slitherin' 'round, stabbin' some ot'er guys, slappin' 'em silly... 'cept I was a GIRL too, mon!  Ah, mercy, I had me a time doin' dat, brudda...

When I come down offa da trippin' was aboot da time da boats finally come to pick us all back up.  And, ya know, mon, dat ol' ship captain had the nerve ta ask me to take dis goblin water tank t'ing and go right back down!  I said "NO sir, joo crazy mon?"  What dese damned new leader be t'inkin, sendin' us out in dat mess anyway? 

It good to be back, tho mon... I t'ink I be spendin' a bit o' time in Orgrimmar, checkin' out dese new leathers I been collectin'.  Soon as me camera be back up, I be sharin' da picks again...

The Great and Powerful

Bal'a dash, malanore.

I, Nikodhemus, have been placed upon the soil of Azeroth for a purpose.  I care not for the struggles of men and orcs in the Great War.  My purpose, as should be the purpose of all beings, is one of conquest and domination.  My people have allied themselves with the piddling orc lead Horde, and it is from this pool that I am forced to choose my traveling companions.  It is with great fortitude that I allow such filth to accompany me as a necessity to my ascension to Godhood.  The power of a warlock is unmatched in the realms, and the demons at my command will rise me to greater and greater power.

Since starting my journey, I have already shown mastery upon the peoples of Azeroth, and have set my sights upon the spinning chaos that is called the Outland.  It is a strange place, rife with demonic hordes and possessed beings, however it has been my great pleasure to demonstrate my mastery upon the demons that call this rock home.  

This morning, I subjugated a rough band of <ahem> "adventurers", to assist me in investigating one section of the Auchindoun ruins known as the Mana Tombs.  Auchindoun appears to have once been a seat of power amongst the outlands, and is rumored to hold many treasures and terrible dangers, and the Mana Tombs was the power center.  Unfortunately, this exercised proved that I need to take exceptional care when choosing my team.

Piztai, my dominated Imp was my companion for this sojourn, as he is easy to control and provides adequate assistance as required.  This wing of Auchindoun had been overrun with these bird creatures who were playing at demonic control.  I was there to prove who the true master was; however I soon saw the true master of the collective.  A minor Demon Lord by the name of Nexus Prince Shaffar had taken over the bounty of the Mana Tombs and was reaping the benefits by controlling the bird-creatures.

My group and I were scattered no less than three times during our quest, which I blame myself for selecting the dunces I did as companions.  Perhaps had I summoned a more dominant Demon I may have held a tighter fist upon them?  Either way, after a long, bloody battle of magic and sword we brought Prince Shaffar down, and claimed the Mana Tombs for myself.  My journey continues...

P.S.  I've heard tell of a place called The Nexus somewhere on Azeroth.  Must check into that upon returning.

Sinu a'manore

Da bigga dey are...

Went a walkin' through da Dragonblight, found one a t'ose goblins havin' a tiff wit' a big Ice Giant.  Dey was lookin' like a pissed off married couple, mon!  I had ta stop by to see what it was about, ya know... Dey was having a meetin', but bot' wanted t'ese big worms killed, so I took up da job. 

It was no worries footin' it into da ice caves, an' killin' t'ese big t'ings, mon.  Dey wanted me to kill t'em for dey own reasons, I din't bot'er to question it, ya know?  T'en t'ey wantin' me to kill da Momma, and dat was a task even fo' da likes o' me, mon.  I jumped an' ran an' used every t'ing in da book... after me ape got clobbered, I had to turn 'possum an' act like I done give up. I try again after a few an' he nearly bonks me out again, mon.  But, dis time I send her to da dirt pile, only to have her chillen's come an' knock me right out, ya know...

I get back up to go back n skin da beastie, I notice a bottle in me bags sayin 'tis an elixer to make me tough agains' da worms poison.  I learned me lesson today,  mon.  First, always kill da chillens before tacklin' da momma, and second to always read da labels on me drinks...

Da Beginning, Mon

Hey there, mon!  I be Gulgagrimnah o' the Dark Spear Trolls, and I be writtin' me thoughts about me travels with da Horde on Azerot'.

Bein' a Huntah be de life, let me tell ya mon.  Everyt'ing I need be right at me feets... I be tamin' da beasts, skinnin' em for clothes, bashin' em for da meats.  I be at me eightyith summer, and I got da seasonin' for da best o' da best.  I've placed me feets over many a land on Azerot' and even beyond.

Today I lead a young brotha though the Whispering Caverns over in da Barrens, mon.  It be a nice place to find da ganja, but I be gatherin' the skins o' the raptors on me way through.  I took me ape Konda wit' me, he be needin' to stretch his legs and he likes travelin' to da old world.  Not'in' in dat place be too much trouble for me ta get me grip on, an' I didn't hear a single whisper.  I tink someone messin' with me, mon...

Tho' I be a many travelled Troll, I know there be many a dirt stretch I haven't wiggled me toes in, ya know.  I tink me aim is to see dem all, mon.